I Want to Eat!

Act 1

He walks in a fine-diner... an usher rushes to greet him and managed to get him a very good table. He doesn't make him wait long before he brought him a few handouts, covering the restaurant's long heritage and how it's digging its roots deep in history to the last century. He takes care of thanking him of finding this cozy place that actually belongs to a well-known chain of restaurants offering all sorts of international food with local touch in each location.

"We know customers come to us with high expectations, and I am positive you won't be disappointed, Sir!"

The customer is very happy and overwhelmed with how the whole floor is at his service, and he fought the idea that is silently popping in his mind "they would add a hefty service charge on the bill!".

While he is absorbed in that thought, the usher calls the floor manager, who invites the guest to another table, even better than the first one.

"You are our most valued customer and we want to make sure you feel like a king today". the manager says.

And before the guest notices, the manager asks for a new set of cutlery to be put in front of the guest, and for the restaurant's corporate brochure (again)..

Our guest feels very good now. He knows he came to the right place. The manager introduces him to Karl who will be at his service this evening. Our guest takes the fork in one hand, the knife in the other hand, and says very confidently: “Gentlemen, I want to eat!”

Act 2

A very elegant and eloquent steward is standing next to our guest, with his notepad in hand:

“Sir we have 3 set menus for today, and...”

“I don't want set menus” The guest interrupts.. “not all stomachs are the same... hence not all food is good for everyone every time.”

Karl swallows the remaining of his unfinished sentence, and hides well behind his well-trained smile.

“Of course Sir! finally here's a customer who appreciates that!. So, before I suggest anything, may I know whether you have any preferences?”

“yes! ... hmmm.. I don't know, you are the expert..  I'm open to suggestions”

Act 3

The guest, still with the fork in one hand and the knife in the other, looking at the 3 covered dishes before his eyes.. suspense..

The waiter, proudly:

“Sir, I brought you 3 choices right from the kitchen!” and he uncovers the dish.

Guest looks at them, smells them.. turns the steak on the other side with the knife.. he moves the garniture that's on top of the fish fillet on the other plate and smells the fish.. he too a bit of that pizza in the 3rd plate.. and then gently comments:

“I think the steak could have been well done.. But the fish fillet would have been better if you have put lemon grass instead of thym. No I don't like the pizza.. Ok I will go for the steak, but please make it rare”.

The waiter faints.

Act 4

In the kitchen, the Italian chef is chewing hundreds of words in Italian that nobody understands in the kitchen. He yells at his helpers and kicks his stove.. Karl leans against the wall waiting for the show to finish. He has seen it hundred times. When the chef finally finds his hat and puts it back on his head, Karl explains to him that the client has now been waiting for more than 5 minutes for the steak and he might complain..

“look Antonio.. I can't upset this client for God's sake! please help me"

Antonio goes in Italian.. Karl interrupts him (without really understanding what Antonio was saying):

“Ok Antonio, thanks a lot dear, I knew I can count on you!”

He leaves the kitchen, and continues "Let's add some cherry tomatoes and some broccoli as a side order.. ah.. We need to offer Table 5 a free dessert sampler, they are upset". Antonio throws his hut on the stove.

Act 5

Table 2, our guest cutting through the juicy pink smoking meat. Dramatic light adds jewelry glamour to that unctuous t-bone, and the light sparkles through the burned fat that garnishes the sides like ocean waves would crown the sand on a Mexican beach. Karl stands by the table; his eyes are almost jumping out of their orbs as he expects a "yes" moment.

"No".

"Sorry Sir? anything wrong?"

"Are you kidding me? this meat is raw!"

"Sir you said you like it rare... but no problem Sir we can cook it a bit more if you wish"

"No... you don't understand... I'm vegetarian!"

Karl faints.

Act 6

Table 2, guest cleaning his hands with the handkerchief, in front of him stands the floor manager and Karl. Guest sits back, looks at Karl in the eyes while addressing the manager:

“I want to eat, and I am vegetarian, so what do you have for me?”

The manager smiles, snaps his fingers and Antonio comes, his hat correctly put on his head and the big red buttons decorate his chest like an old veteran.

 "Antonio, our guest is vegetarian, and you sent him a steak.. how can we fix that?"

Antonio articulates very confidently in his broken english:

 "goud evening Mister, ay am Antonio and ay am verri sorri for your dissappoentment. We have verri goud selecssion of vegetarian food forr you. How abawt some linguini con fungi ? After dat I will proposse forr you a trio sampler dessert and my spessiality coffi" 

Act 7

Table 2, our guest signing a cheque, leaving no tips..

Author: Mohamed Ansaihi Personal Website & Portfolio: ansaihi.com